It's 4:33am

And I'm still inspired to write. I have browsed through one of the more insightful single parenting blogs in the net by mssingglemama and now I am ready to share my thoughts to welcome strangers and a handful of trustworthy friends of mine.

I feel the need to make this blog. For me and my incessant need to express. For my friends, who yearn for familiar feelings and more encouragement. Parenting a child /children on your own is never a smooth nor a simple task. But it is also not lacking of those emotional lifts that comes with joyful moments of caring for those adorable little critters. (hehe) 

I love being a single mom and have embraced the ups and downs that comes with it, for six years now. Did that just pass me by too quickly? Not really. Jeanina and I have created wonderful memories for ourselves. The little joys spent at home goofing around or even the grander ones like trips out of town. Things which I intend to plan for every year that Jeanina will still enjoy spending with me. (yikes, teen years) No matter how feisty she can be, she's just as emotional and expressive as I am. (in private, though)

She does many things that still make my heart melt. Something that I really love about her. Like yesterday when I came home from a whole day of work (which is unusual, since last week I spent working days at home),  I sit beside her in the couch watching TV. We already finished our tight hugs and "i miss yous". She looks up at me and makes this queasy little noises as if she's controlling her giggles and about to explode. She grabs my arms with her two hands and squeezes me like a stuffed bear. I say, why baby? And she finally squeals, "Hmmmm! I reaaaally really misss you eh." Awww. She couldn't contain her feelings and just says it all over and over again. I continue reassuring her, "Stop missing me I'm here already". So we hug tight many times over until her fuzzy insides subside. Believe me, it took a while. (an hour?)

And i do miss her too. Too much sometimes, I realize. Just two days ago, I found myself suffering separation anxiety looking at her school bus run past by my car. I stopped and sat behind my steering wheel, wiping some tears off and some tinge of regret that I wasn't the one to shower and ready her for school that day. The only thing that comforts me though is, I work on my own time and I can come home earlier than other working moms do. Freelancing was a personal choice more than a career move and most of my friends know that. I would not change it any other way now.  In my past full-time post, I found myself leaving home too early to see her awake and coming home to find her fast asleep. In the end, it bothered me a lot and realized that was not what I wanted. I am all she has and I want to spend time with her. So my freelance path began and still making it for more than 3 years now.  

"So far, so good."

My Jeanina and me? We'll be having fun (at home) and going places....together. Can't wait for summer really!